Are getting divorced and feeling overwhelmed, scared, and/or panicked?
Is your main concern what divorce will do to your children?
Do you feel like you have to hire a lawyer, but fear this might drive conflict out of control?
Do you wish there was a low cost, low conflict way to get divorced?
Did you know a mediated divorce has the exact same legal status as an attorney driven divorce?
Would you like to be lead through the divorce process in an informed, dignified fashion that allows you, not the courts, to take charge of you and your children’s future?
Yours fears and desires are normal. Divorce can be hard on children and there are a lot of frightening stories out there. It can be expensive, time consuming, and emotionally challenging. How you get divorced really does make a big difference. I know because I experienced the pain of a litigated divorce and the damage it caused my son. Because, I didn’t want others to experience what I did, I became a mediator, parent coordinator and Court appointed Decision Maker.
I am passionate about helping families navigate conflict, stay out of court, and protect children. I know this can happen because after becoming a mediator, I learned to do so myself. Divorce is first and foremost a family transition. Although it happens often, it rarely serves families to treat it primarily as a legal transition. Divorce is often intimate, personal, and painful. In mediation, emotions are managed. Consequently, you get logical solutions to complex problems.
Is mediation really a good idea when children are involved?
Yes! Mediation is especially appropriate when there are children involved. It allows parents, as opposed to the courts, to develop logical, sustainable agreements that they themselves intend to uphold. This reduces emotional and financial stress and increases the ability to craft agreements that are really right for your child(ren). This makes sense because the end of the day, parents parent, not courts.
What makes a mediated divorce preferable?
Mediated divorces are statistically far less expensive and emotionally damaging (especially for children) than those litigated in court. A mediated divorce can save you thousands, if not tens of thousands of dollars. Studies show that mediated divorces result in significantly better parenting after divorce and less post divorce conflict. Simply put, research consistently demonstrates that mediated divorces result in better outcomes for children throughout their life span than those litigated in court. Clients are welcomed and encouraged to have attorneys and accountants review all legal documents before signing. You are allowing for a more logical process to occur and you are able to craft an agreement that is tailored for you and your children’s specific needs. A mediated agreement has all of the enforceability of an agreement created with attorneys or by the court.
What is Mediation?
Mediation is a technique used to resolve conflict. The goal of mediation is for the parties to come up with win/win solutions to to resolve disagreements. As a result, it has the potential to maintains and/or enhance relationships between disputing parties. Consequently, mediation is particularly well suited for use in families. In other words, mediation is very useful when disputants have an ongoing, long term relationship. In mediation, disputing parties are empowered to resolve their own problems with the help of a third party neutral, or mediator. The mediator navigates the dispute, while the parties concerns and problem solving efforts actually drive it. The mediator does this by creating a safe and neutral environment in which clients tell their stories, define their problems, and collaboratively solve them.
The end result of mediation is a Memorandum of Understanding. This agreement is signed (sometimes notarized) by the parties. Then it can be filed with the Court. The MOU is binding and enforceable just like an order of the Court. The MOU can also be filed by an attorney as a Court Order.
How do I find the right divorce mediator?
Finding the right divorce mediator in Fort Collins can be overwhelming. There are different styles of mediation and some times it is hard to know what style people are practicing. Most mediators in Fort Collins are attorneys. There are few mental health practitioners who conduct full divorce mediations. Some mental health mediators may not be well versed in divorce law and post decree (what happens after the divorce is finalized) parenting issues. Most attorney mediators do not have a significant understanding of child development, psychology, and attachment trauma.
My goal is to offer you unparalleled divorce mediation service. You and your children deserve to have the best of all worlds: an experienced mental health mediator who specializes in trauma with a solid understanding of divorce law. I am a certified Child and Family Investigator, Parent Coordinator, and Court Appointed Decision Maker. I have extensive experience working with parents and children after divorce. Also, I am a facilitative, interest-based mediator. That means I work hard to help you discover the underlying concerns dictating the positions you and the other parent take. Once we know the reasons for why you want something to happen, it becomes far easier to guide you in problem solving these conflicts. When parents are guided in this fashion, win/win scenarios become possible.
My job is not to tell you what to do. Rather, I keep you at the table until you figure it out yourself. I carefully and strategically guide you, while respectfully realizing that you are the expert on your life and children.
How do I know what will work best for my
I can supply you with all sorts of data, case examples etc. I specialize in helping parents craft divorce agreements that are evidence based and support resiliency in children. There is a lot of information on what does and does not work. It is important that you have access to this and maximize it. In order to give you and your children comprehensive divorce support, I also work with a collaborative group of like-minded professionals, The 360 Divorce Team. The team is made up of mediators, therapists, parent coaches, and financial planners. We are all committed to offering families healing and constructive alternatives to an attorney driven, adversarial divorce. All team members serve to: support the well being of children, limit conflict and trauma, and support parents in making logical long-term decisions.
What will actually happen in mediation, and how long will it take?
Most mediations begin with both parents in the room. You can, however, talk to me privately at any time throughout the mediation. I will present an overview of the process including procedures, paperwork, and ground rules. Then, I will ask you to define quality of life goals for your children. We will use these goals as a guidepost for crafting your Parenting Plan and Separation Agreement.
Next, each of you shares what he or she wants to have happen in regards to specific conflict issues. Then, you will be asked a series of questions. The questions will give everyone a clearer picture of underlying concerns and problems related to the issues. You will then start problem solving. This is what makes mediation so valuable. YOU, create your own agreement. The agreement fits your children and your life style, and you know it is the best possible solution for right now. You can focus on your children’s well being. At the end of the mediation we rigorously reality test your agreement to make sure it is practical, clear, and strong enough to help you stay out of future conflicts. Most mediation sessions take place for two hours. It usually takes between four and six sessions to mediate a full divorce.
Please contact me to schedule a free 30-minute consultation
You may wish to view our Divorce Resources for suggested reading and websites for divorcing parents and children.
“The home and the family are the basic social institution everywhere in the world. When the home improves, the whole world will be better.” ~Sathya Sai Babam